Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
