so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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