I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
