I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
