I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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