You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
