My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
