I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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