Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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