I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
