We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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