Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
