I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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