In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize