I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
