It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize