That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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