So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
