fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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