Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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