you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
