oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
