The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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