no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
