weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
