also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
