Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
