He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
