I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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