she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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