I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
