Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
