she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
