Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
