remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
