allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
