i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
