im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
