So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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