I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
