we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
