Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
