im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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