the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
