My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
