I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
