i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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