sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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