i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize