while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
