So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
