My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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