No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
