Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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