I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
