I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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