Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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