I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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