i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
