A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
