I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
