Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i out mim tonsoeep
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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