I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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