I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
