My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
