i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
