have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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