she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
