It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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