I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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