just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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